Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The 'Are You A Good Latte Lefty' Quiz!

Question One
Your friendship group contains (give yourself a point for each) -

a) Someone queer!
b) Someone aboriginal!
c) An asylum seeker!
d) Bob Brown!

Bonus five points if your group contains someone with all of the above characteristics

Question Two
Trees -

a) Huh, good lord! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing! (0 points)
b) Rip rip, woodchip! Turn it into paper! Then write some Liberal propaganda on it! (0 points)
c) Their branches can be used to beat queue jumpers around the head when they land on shore! (0 points)
d) Should be preserved, man. For real. (1 point)
e) Are people too, man. For real. (5 points)

Question Three
Fast forward to the 2007 Federal election. Head to head in the polls are Liberal candidate Andrew Bolt and ALP candidate Eddie McGuire. Who do you vote for?

a) Andrew Bolt (0 points)
b) Eddie McGuire, and it kills you to say that (1 point)
c) Bob Brown. And you scribble his name in with a green, recycled pencil. (5 points)

Question Four
The environment -

a) Tricky to spell - I always forget that 'n'. Because I am quite drug-fucked right now. Mummy? (0 points)
b) Marijuana grows there (1 point)
c) Bob Brown grows there (2 points)
d) is something I am quite the expert on, thanks to the folk-rock stylings of Mr John Butler (10 points)

Question Five
You're in a cafe - what do you order?

a) A carafe filled with the blood of a small child, as is the Liberal way (0 points)
b) A cappuccino (0 points)
c) A mocha (0 points)
d) Some herbal tea (5 points)
e) A latte (15 points)
f) A soy latte (20 points)
g) A soy chai latte (30 points)

Question Six
Who or what is THE MAN?

a) Anthony Mundine (0 points)
b) What my conservative boyfriend insists I call him as he has unprotected sex with my bottom (0 points)
c) Dude, in this day and age, who isn't the man? Big business, government, my bus driver... (1 point)

Question Seven
How often do you care about politics?

a) Poli-what? I just enjoy frothy coffee and joss sticks! (0 points)
b) All the time, man! (1 point)
c) Once every three years, or whenever Michael Moore releases a film (5 points)


RESULTS

40+ Points - YOU ARE AN EXCELLENT LEFTY, BUT REMEMBER - ONE CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS FROM A MINORITY GROUP, OR TOO MANY PROTEST BADGES ON YOUR KNAPSACK!

Less than 40 Points - DISMAL! WHY DON'T YOU JUST BEND OVER AND ASK THE MAN TO JAM A CACTUS INTO YOUR TIGHT LITTLE CONSERVATIVE RACIST RECTUM?

47 Comments:

Blogger thr said...

Day off Jess?
Some serious blogging goin' down right there fo' shizzle.

May 24, 2005 6:26 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Oddly, no.

These things just flow out of me like diarrhoea. No thought whatsoever! Like you can't tell!

May 24, 2005 7:01 PM  
Blogger la nadine said...

jess, two words:

theme song.

you know what you have to do.

May 24, 2005 7:03 PM  
Blogger Jellyfish said...

Oh god, yes. Theme song. Play that funky music, white girl.*






*although if you were not white, and still wanted to play, that would be totally okay.

May 24, 2005 11:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my. Teh funny. Teh funny indeed.

May 25, 2005 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BTW, that anonymous was ME, and that was funny.
Cheers,
Kate.

May 25, 2005 1:36 PM  
Blogger Kaufman said...

Jesus! You like Stephen Malkmus too!

P.S. Have I mentioned that I once shook the hand of former tennis ace [what a pun, y'all!] Thomas Muster/vice versa at Memorial Drive [Adelaideus] and that he nearly crushed every fucking bone in that hand?

No? It's da troof.

Get me out of the house, damn it!!!!

May 30, 2005 5:18 PM  
Blogger roguemaze said...

I use non-bleached crap wrap. Is that OK?

June 01, 2005 11:50 AM  
Blogger Dele Alex said...

A soy latte?

You must be dreaming

June 17, 2005 12:45 AM  
Blogger cybele malinowski said...

jess. you and me, on the floor, screaming. always.
Xx

July 19, 2005 9:16 AM  
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love love love.
I sure do hope you getting a shitload of money from somewhere for that Supreme Funny.
If you were on TV, I would actuallly turn mine on.

August 02, 2005 9:58 PM  
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I only consume organic baby blood. Where does that leave me?

May 29, 2006 9:15 PM  
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